i really like my girlfriend however we’re horrible commute companions

Don't leave out the next reside chat: Dr. Andrea Bonior, an authorized clinical psychologist who has been helping readers with Baggage examine since 2005, hosts a weekly live chat at washingtonpost.com on Tuesdays at 1 p.m. She discusses her contemporary columns and answers any questions you may additionally have about relationships, work, family, intellectual fitness and more. join or read Dr. Andrea's newest live chat right here.


Q. My female friend and i took our lengthy-anticipated, biggest vacation together yet this summer. It went horribly, and this has happened earlier than. I've realized we just don't do trips well together, with totally diverse kinds of trip. i like her and am very chuffed in my lifestyles together with her, and we are pondering long-time period commitments. but this is a huge a part of our lives it's incompatible. truthfully, i would be happier touring alone. —Love Her, but …

If this is a person you're somewhat happy with daily, then you'll want to be capable of damage down the "horrible" into smaller concerns and devise easy methods to troubleshoot them. Is it planning versus non-planning, spontaneity versus structure, risk-aversion versus event? An all-out struggle over the merits of Newark Airport? The extra notably which you can track how the conflicts begun, the more advantageous that you may plan to sidestep them. and you'll strategize and choose set-in-stone roles in the past: Any given meal's restaurant-decider makes their prefer without interference; the navigator fixes a incorrect turn devoid of criticism or 2nd-guessing; or the fly-via-the-seat-of-their-pantser receives to select one shock time out, no questions asked. If want be, build some on my own-travel into the shuttle, too. No relationship rule says you ought to spend daily together, even (or peculiarly!) in a overseas land.

I'm harm I'm no longer a bridesmaid

Q. My longtime chum and i have been close from elementary faculty via school. however we've grown apart just a little, she changed into one of my bridesmaids handiest two years in the past and i can't recover from no longer being chosen as one in all hers. As her marriage ceremony processes, I simply can't cease being harm by means of the indisputable fact that I always assumed I'd be in her wedding and i'm not. considered one of her bridesmaids is one in all her co-workers that she is shut too however has barely prevalent for lengthy. I don't need to be petty however I essentially don't need to go to the wedding. —nevertheless Upset

Your hurt makes experience and there's no magic wand for its disappearance, even though these cases are fairly normal. it could actually help to take a much less black-and-white view. It's no longer Bridesmaids Versus all and sundry Else — it's a spectrum, with each and every adult mattering to the bride in their own exciting means.

You're no longer some drop in an nameless ocean of inconsequentials. You're somebody whose  function in her life is special in its own appropriate. Being a visitor at the wedding of somebody you like is an journey with meaning in and of itself and, to be honest, every so often the wedding birthday party option is a time capsule that doesn't age smartly — who knows what issues will appear to be in two, 5 or 10 years? So, the here and now. opt for this stinging sensation as a chance to examine even if your transforming into apart is a herbal phase of existence, or no matter if it's whatever you wish to work on. eventually, it's the trajectory of the lifelong friendship that concerns most — no matter if you're posing in an identical pewter dress or now not.

send your questions for baggage check to Dr. Andrea Bonior at baggage@wpost.com. She might also answer them in an upcoming column in categorical or in a are living chat on Tuesdays at 1 p.m. at washingtonpost.com.

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